


For You, I Could Change

by Tazza1993



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2018-09-27 12:35:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10021013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tazza1993/pseuds/Tazza1993
Summary: Robert felt oddly nervous as he found himself face to face with the man from Olivia's essay. Vivid blue eyes, a generous helping of stubble and broad shoulders that filled out his sweater perfectly. He looked even better than Robert had imagined. This was the first time in Robert's life that he hadn't resented having to attend Parent's Evening.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For Robron Week (AU Prompt)
> 
> For those who don't know PSHE (Physical, Social, Health Education?) is a compulsory thing in most British secondary schools. It may have a different name by this point.

 

Robert Sugden had procrastination down to an art form after five long years of teaching. Since he had gotten in from work at 5pm he had steadily ignored the intimidating pile of essays waiting for him on his kitchen countertop. A takeaway, a football match and several beers later, and Robert could not viably avoid them any longer. If he wanted to have time to pursue any sort of non work related activity at the weekend, he was going to have to tackle his mountain of paperwork. There were countless essays to mark, his form group's end of term reports to make a dent in and lesson plans to compose. It was at times like these that Robert really hated being a teacher.

 

He had decided to retrain after the messy divorce from Chrissie and his subsequent sacking from the White corporation. The thought of having to start all over again at a similar company and manipulate his way up the professional ladder had filled him with dread. The business world had been all bribery, arse kissing and back stabbing, with endless side helpings of bullshit. Robert had been good at it, of course. His dad always used to say that Robert was a grade A manipulator. He had also told Robert, on his wedding day (because Jack's timing had always been impeccable), that you couldn't build a marriage on a mutual love for money and power. He had died before he was proved right. In his blackest moments, Robert had decided that was the silver lining to becoming an orphan at the age of twenty three. Robert had always hated giving his father reasons to gloat.

 

Robert had sort of fallen into teaching. At his interview, Robert vaguely remembered spouting some monologue about wanting to pass on his knowledge of the business world to the younger generation. If he was being honest, his sudden desire to teach Business Studies had more to do with the lure of a minimum of thirteen weeks holiday a year (no one had thought to warn him that the majority of them would compromise of planning the next term's lessons and running extra curricular homework clubs). He had liked the idea that his parents would have been proud if they could see him now, though. Teaching was a noble profession, after all. It also made Robert want to tear his hair out a lot of the time, but that was besides the point.

 

Robert sighed, grabbed another beer for good measure and pulled half a dozen essays off the top of the pile. He had learned fast that being tipsy made reading sullen fourteen year old's musings on business icons marginally more entertaining. It still wouldn't exactly make Robert's list of most desirable past times for a Wednesday evening, however. Still, it could be worse, he supposed. He could have been guilted into chaperoning at the Year 11 disco again. He still bore deep emotional scars off catching two of his sixteen year old charges giving each other hickeys in the restroom at the last one.

 

The essays that he had to mark tonight weren't even for his subject. This year he had gained the additional responsibility (or burden, as Robert viewed it) of teaching PSHE to Year 10s. It involved enduring all sorts of hardships such as watching them snigger through educational documentaries about STIs, warning them off drugs and educating them on the topic of voting and politics. The homework he was marking today came from a session he had taught about finding inspiration in the people around them. The only inspiration Robert had gotten from the lesson had been the inspiration to find a new job. Sometimes, he wondered how he had managed to become so jaded at the ripe old age of twenty nine. Then, he would find himself having to deal with the fallout from yet another teenage love triangle gone wrong and he would remember exactly why. At the end of an impossibly long session, Robert had asked his group to write about the person that inspired them the most, before more or less sprinting for the door.

 

The first essay he read through was actually quite good. The second was okay, by PSHE standards (which most students did not even consider a proper subject, let alone a one worth doing the homework for). The third one was surprising (Robert was a huge The Clash fan and was very happy to read an ode to Joe Strummer's lyrical genius). The fourth was dreadful. By this point, Robert was making headway through his beer. One more and he would reward himself with an early night, he decided. Tomorrow's bottom set Year 8 class would be much more tolerable after a solid seven hours sleep. Normally, Robert battled through such tests of patience with only caffeine and internal wit as allies. Adequate sleep would be a valuable asset.

 

It was at this point that Robert came to Olivia Flaherty's essay. She was one of those kids that drove Robert to distraction. He had heard a little about her family situation, of course - all the teaching staff had been briefed on the essential details of it. Her father had been in prison (although the reason why was a closely guarded secret that only the most senior staff were privy to) and was now dead, her mother had moved to another country and her brother was her legal guardian. She had started at the school just shy of six months ago, in the spring. She was bright, Robert knew, and she possessed a type of grit that would do her well in later life. He had overheard her taking a classmate down a few pegs for making nasty comments about one of the loner kids and he had found himself biting his lip to suppress a chuckle, so sharp and cutting were her jibes. But then, she was also a slacker. Robert was surprised that she had deigned to attend PSHE, let alone engage with the set homework afterwards. He began to read, red pen poised in hand.

 

_If I had been given this essay title a year ago, I would not have known what to write about. Most people in my life have been the opposite of inspirational. In fact, most people turn out to be pretty insipid, selfish and/or boring._

_However, now, I have someone that I look up to. My brother, Aaron, is the best person I have ever met. Until last year I only had memories of him from when I was little. I knew that he was kind and that he loved me. Now, he's still kind and he still loves me, but he's also the bravest person I know._

 

The essay continued for several more paragraphs, painting a vivid picture of a man who constantly went above and beyond for his younger sister. A man who had taken in his long lost sibling because he wanted to do right by her. A man who had built up a business from scratch through sheer determination and hard work. A man who his student wrote about with fondness that shone through the page.

 

Robert thought about his own sister, Victoria. He doubted that she would ever have penned an essay about him with such praise and adoration. Not that he would have deserved such a tribute anyway. She loved him - but in a way that was punctuated by eye rolls and sighs. Robert had not been her hero for a very long time. He wasn't anybody's hero, really. Aaron was clearly a very different man to Robert. A one that made people feel safe and cherished. Robert wondered what he looked like. Olivia was a little, blonde whirlwind with light blue eyes and a quick scowl. For some reason, he began to build up an image of her brother in his head.

 

Robert shook his head, pulling himself out of his daze. He decided that he must be more tired than he had realised. Either that, or he really needed to get laid. Fantasising about a man in a teenage kid's essay was a new level of weird, even for him. He was probably some sad, humourless wretch with big ears and too much time on his hands. He was certainly a bit of a pushover, judging by Olivia's attendance record this year, Robert snorted. Despite all of this, something about the idea of Olivia's brother stuck with Robert. Perhaps it was the way she described him as brave, selfless, kind. Three things that Robert had never really managed to be. Perhaps it was the way she wrote about how he was always there for her, as solid as a rock. Robert hadn't had someone there for him, no questions asked, for a long time. Perhaps it was because Robert thought that all of Olivia's obvious love for her brother must have come from somewhere. He must have a bit of something about him, to earn devotion like that, Robert knew.

 

***

 

Parent's evening was a special kind of hell for teachers, as far as Robert was concerned. Neither him, the parents or the students wanted to be there, in his experience. It was an evening of reluctant conversations, forced cordiality and many sighs. Sighs from teachers that could have been home three hours ago. Sighs from parents who wished their children had the motivation to work harder. Sighs from teenagers that could foresee groundings in their near future.

 

Last year, Robert had been allowed to conduct his meetings in the safe haven of his classroom. He had been thankful that he had access to the mini fridge he kept stashed underneath his desk, in between appointments. The sugar rush that resulted from shovelling chocolate fingers into his mouth at regular intervals had helped him dose out the necessary enthusiasm when conversing with a seemingly endless stream of parents. This year, even that small solace had been taken away from him. Instead, all appointments had to take place in the school hall, teachers' desks lined up against the back wall. They probably looked like they were lining up to a face a firing squad, Robert snorted.

 

Very little, other that the change in location, differentiated this particular Parent's Evening from the one that had taken place the year before, until Robert caught sight of Olivia Flaherty meandering past, in the company of a man with a wry smile and a olive green sweater. Her brother, Robert thought. Aaron. He had been wrong to imagine him blond - he was as dark as his sister was fair. Robert glanced down at his schedule and his heart began to pound inexplicably as he realised that he would be meeting with the two of them in just under twenty five minutes.

 

It wasn't unusual for Robert's mind to wander as he listened to his twentieth parent of the evening, explaining their concerns regarding their teenager's grades.

 

It was unusual, however, for him to be stealing glances at strange, captivating men across the hall.

 

Get a grip Robert, he chastised himself internally.

 

This wasn't a speed dating event.

 

This was Parent's Evening.

 

***

 

Twenty five minutes later (Robert prided himself on his punctuality at these events, mainly because he just wanted to get home on time), Robert found himself oddly nervous as he came face to face with the man from Olivia's essay. Vivid blue eyes, a generous helping of stubble and broad shoulders that filled out his sweater perfectly. He looked even better than Robert had imagined. This could have been the first time in Robert's life that he hadn't resented having to attend Parent's Evening.

 

He pushed himself to his feet, a tad unsteadily, and extended a hand out towards the dark haired man. In the process, he somehow managed to push a huge sheaf of papers off his desk with his elbow. There was a thud and Robert quickly crouched down to pick them up. It was not exactly the suave introduction that Robert had been aiming for.

 

"Nice one," Olivia snickered from somewhere above him. Robert made a mental note to ensure he put her on the spot in class, next time he taught her.

 

"Liv," sighed the man standing beside her.

 

Before he knew it, Aaron (and how he had come to think of him on a first name basis, when this was the first time he had ever laid eyes on him, Robert did not understand) was crouching down beside him, helping him collect stray bits of paper. They both quickly stood up, the papers hastily piled back on the desk, and Aaron offered his hand to Robert. Robert took it and shook it, internally rebuking himself for not managing the greeting successfully the first time over. As their skin made contact, Robert could have sworn that his skin prickled. _God, he sounded like a romantic novelist - or even worse an English teacher. Get a grip, Sugden._ He plastered a smile on to his face. He hoped that the smile said 'I'm totally nonchalant about this whole thing, even though you are gorgeous'. He hoped that the smile said 'I am a complete professional, here to discuss your sister's academic progress'. He hoped that it said anything rather than 'I've been imagining you since I read your sister's essay. You're much hotter than I pictured'. Robert had felt like an idiot numerous times in his life (working with snotty teenagers will do that to you) but never more than he did under the intense gaze of Olivia Flaherty's brother (and that was what he was. Not Aaron).

 

"So are we going to sit....or?" Olivia looked between the two of them, exasperation in her voice.

 

"Liv." Not Aaron jerked his head warningly.

 

Robert shook himself out of his daze and brushed the dust from the floor off his trousers. "Um, yeah, sit," Robert managed to say, gesturing vaguely towards the pair of seats in front of his desk. Then, managing to gain some semblance of professionalism, he added, "I'm Mr. Sugden, Olivia's Business Studies and PSHE teacher this year." He waited until Not Aaron and Olivia took their seats, before walking around to take the chair opposite them. A desk sat between them - it wasn't wide enough to hide Robert from Not Aaron's incredibly blue eyes.

 

"I'm Liv's brother, Aaron Dingle." Robert was relieved that Not Aaron could now legitimately become Aaron in his head.

 

"Nice to meet you." Robert flashed him what he hoped was a winning smile. "So... Olivia and Business Studies..."

 

Aaron laughed at his hesitant tone. It was low and throaty and lit up his entire face. "Just hit us with it."

 

"She's definitely got potential," Robert said, glancing over at her. Her arms were folded across her chest, already defensive. He remembered taking a similar stance at his own Parent's Evenings as a teen, his dad resigned and weary beside him. Aaron also looked resigned, but the sort of resignation that was tinged with amusement.

 

"She does well when she tries. But, well..."

 

"She doesn't try that often, right?" Aaron suggested, raising an eyebrow at his sister.

 

"Well, I'm making allowances for the fact that it's hard to start a new school in the middle of the academic year," Robert offered.

 

Aaron's expression softened fractionally. "Yeah, it has been tough on her."

 

"That's got nothing to do with Business Studies though, has it?" Olivia threw in her two cents worth, clearly uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was heading in.

 

"Well do your homework and turn up for lessons on time and he won't have to make excuses for you, will he?" Aaron rolled his eyes at his sister's sullenness.

 

And even though Aaron's words were blunt and Olivia's face was still mostly overrun by a scowl, there was no malice in their bickering. The affection between the pair was plain for Robert to see. He thought once again of his own siblings, with regret that they had never managed to cultivate this level of closeness. He had and Victoria had been close once, but then Robert had slept with Katie and it had all sort of spiralled out of control.

 

"So that's Olivia and Business Studies," Robert continued. "As far as PSHE goes, she does as well as anyone else. She wrote a nice essay the other day, though. The topic was the person who inspires her most."

 

"Who did you write about?" Aaron looked over at his sister.

 

Robert watched as Olivia's cheeks turned a light hue of pink. "She wrote about you," Robert said.

 

Clearly, blushing ran in the family, because Aaron's cheeks reddened immediately. "You did?" He turned his gaze to his sister.

 

"It wasn't a big deal." She shrugged, not meeting his eyes.

 

But, a shy smile spread across her face. Aaron was smiling, too, soft and affectionate. Robert had to forcibly stop himself from beaming back at them. _God, this was the weirdest night._

 

"So that about sums it up," Robert said, glancing at his watch reluctantly.

 

Aaron and his sister stood up to leave. "See you tomorrow, Olivia," Robert nodded at her. "It really was nice to meet you," he added to Aaron. And, Robert was surprised to realise that he really meant it.

 

"Likewise," said Aaron, putting his hands on Olivia's shoulders to steer her towards the exit.

 

Robert couldn't help but watch them as they left.

 

***

 

The second time Robert saw him was almost a month later.

 

The sky was already darkening by the time Robert was rushing towards his car, workbooks piled high in his arms. It was gone 5pm because it was a Wednesday and Wednesday's were the day that Robert ran Computer Club (unfortunately for Robert. But it had been a choice between setting up a Computer Club or a Chess Society and Robert hated chess with a fiery passion). His padded coat was zipped up to the brim of his chin such was the stinging iciness of the winter air. Robert resented the winter months and longed for the onset of Spring.

 

Robert might have hurried past Aaron if the dark haired man's breathing had not been so ragged. His short, sharp gasps for breath echoed through the almost deserted parking lot. He was sitting on the wall outside of the front entrance, his legs dangling and his elbows resting on his knees. His hands were cradling his own face and his infectious grin was nowhere to be seen.

 

"Aaron?" Robert went over to him cautious but willing.

 

Aaron moved his hands from his face and let them rest on the wall on either side of his legs, instead. He looked up and Robert was pleased to see a flicker of recognition cross his features almost instantly. He seemed tired, Robert thought. Dark shadows marked the skin beneath his eyes. The dark suit he was wearing made him look paler - more washed out - and Robert mournfully lamented the loss of his flushed red cheeks. His navy tie was slightly haphazard. Yet, even in his subdued state, Aaron looked good in a suit, Robert thought. It clung to his body in all the right places, highlighting his defined biceps and broad back.

 

"What are you doing here?" He momentarily stopped gawping, in the vague hope of saying something useful.

 

"Oh, the usual." Aaron choked out a short, wry laugh, his eyes dolefully staring back at Robert. "Liv's in trouble. Again. Just got out of a meeting with the Deputy Head. They've suspended her." He sounded as weary as he looked. A man with the weight of the world on his shoulders, Robert decided. Maybe, being the kind of man that people depended on came at a price? Robert didn't know about any of that, of course.

 

"What did she do?" Robert asked, devoid of any better ideas.

 

He carefully sat down beside Aaron on the wall, shoving his fingers into his pockets to keep out the cold as soon as he had put down his pile of books.

 

"Got caught smoking and vandalising the toilets when she should have been in Maths." Aaron glared down at the ground - his anger clearly still raw.

 

And Robert, who had spent his entire adulthood, using his wit to take control of situations, quipped, "Well, if you'd met Mr. Chambers, then you would likely have done the same." He flashed a hopeful smirk in Aaron's direction.

 

Aaron's answering chuckle, quiet though it was, lit up his entire face, the cold October evening and Robert himself. "Mate, aren't you meant to work here?" Aaron snorted. "Should you really be making fun of the other teaching staff?"

 

"Are you going to grass me up?" Robert dared to nudge his shoulders subtly against Aaron's.

 

"Nar, I wouldn't want you to get into trouble," Aaron snickered. Then, his face inexplicably fell. "I've dealt with enough trouble for one day."

 

Robert felt as though he was on shaky ground. Wit, teasing and sarcasm were Robert's forte. He rarely met a woman or a man that he couldn't laugh into bed. He had also never met a woman or a man that he was enough for. Because Robert was only skilled at the superficial stuff - the things that didn't really matter. When it came to situations like these - where character traits such as tact, compassion and judgement were needed - Robert had always fallen short. His own glaring shortcomings had never really bothered Robert particularly, certainly not a level deep enough to make him actually want to change. Tonight, though, perhaps for the first time, Robert wondered how different life could be if he was a different (or better) sort of person. Maybe, he would have been able to take away some of Aaron's burden. What he wouldn't have given in that moment to make Aaron smile once more wasn't worth having. So, for Aaron, Robert tried to be someone that he had never been before.

 

"I wouldn't worry too much," said Robert. "She's a kid." _They're all little shits._ Robert's mind briefly wandered to his past, to Lachlan. At least Aaron's sister didn't have a porn fetish and a penchant for stalking local women. As far as Robert knew anyway, he supposed grudgingly.

 

"I just..." Aaron's voice broke a little as he tried to find the right words. "I just feel like I'm letting her down. Like I'm not good enough." He roughly wiped the sleeve of his coat across his face. "I don't even know why I'm telling you this." He sighed.

 

_Me either, thought Robert, I'm useless._

 

Instead, he delved into his satchel bag, unearthing yet another pile of exercise books. He knew that he had decided tonight was PSHE book marking night for a reason. He found the one labelled, Olivia Flaherty, flicking to the right page automatically. Aaron's watchful eyes were on him the whole time. It made him feel clumsy, hyper aware of his movements in a way that he had not experienced in years. He found the page he was looking for and ripped it out of the book with a swift pull of his hand.

 

"She thinks that you're good enough," said Robert, holding the pages out to Aaron.

 

Once Aaron's fingers closed around the paper, Robert stood up, flinging his satchel back over his shoulder, and started to walk to his car. He figured that he might as well end their interaction on a positive note, before he managed to mess it up. He threw a glance over his shoulder, saw Aaron's eyes skimming Olivia's 'My Inspiration' essay, as he walked away.

 

"Mr. Sugden!" He had almost reached his car when he heard Aaron's voice behind him.

 

He choked back a laugh. Of course, Aaron didn't have the luxury of nosing through his sibling's essays about him. Aaron didn't even know his first name. He turned round, raising an eyebrow in the younger man's direction, and waited for him to catch up. He didn't know what made him say it. For all Robert knew, Aaron had a partner waiting for him at home. For all he knew, Aaron could have been straight. For all he knew, the electricity that seemed to fizzle between them could have been purely a figment of Robert's imagination. Still, it was the electricity in the air that made him say it. Either, that or Aaron's eyes that were fixed upon him all stormy and emotional and undeniably lovely. "That may be the first time that someone over the age of sixteen has called me that outside of the bedroom." He tried to say it with his most winning smirk.

 

Aaron's jaw dropped a little. "What would you rather I call you?" He stared right back at Robert, not backing down. Robert was simultaneously amazed, amused and relieved that he was willing to play this game with Robert.

 

"I've always been partial to Sir." Robert ran his tongue over his lips, using every tool in his arsenal.

 

Aaron let out a little bark of laugher, his eyes glinting with amusement. Robert couldn't decide whether he preferred flirtatious Aaron, giving back as good as he got, or happy, laughing Aaron. He tossed back his head and laughed along with Aaron - feeling younger and more carefree than he had in a while.

 

"I'm Robert." He offered once the laughter had died down.

 

"Robert." Aaron repeated it back to him, as though he was testing the feel of it on his tongue. "I just wanted to say thank you."

 

"I'll see you around," said Robert, as he got into his car.

 

It felt like the start of something.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And if he did think of Aaron from time to time, he told himself that it was merely a harmless fantasy. A dream of what could have been if Robert had been braver, stronger, better. Robert was built for one night stands and casual flings that were as insubstantial as paper. Aaron, with his youthful laugh and kind eyes, was no doubt built for something bigger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this didn't disappoint. I'm aiming to make this story four chapters long - I'm not going to make promises about when the next one will be up (because I never keep them) but it shouldn't be longer than a few weeks.

 

It was a Thursday evening in the middle of November - the type of night where the Christmas holidays were lingering around the corner in a tantalising manner but were still far enough away to make Robert wonder if he'd still have a firm grasp on his sanity by the time they arrived. There was no sign of Christmas trees or gaudy tinsel yet, thank goodness, (although Robert couldn't shake the feeling that the annual decorating of the main hall wouldn't be able to be avoided for much longer) but there were paper chains hanging from the doorways that were far too festive for Robert's liking. He glowered at them as he took one of the seats reserved for teaching staff, behind the podium.

 

There was an emergency meeting regarding taking steps towards making the school, and its pupils, more environmentally friendly. Robert found himself relatively bitter about the entire thing since the whole ordeal coincided perfectly with the 7pm kick off of the Leeds match which he had already procured tickets for. Who cared about a game that was vital in ensuring his local team's survival in the Championship league when you could be worrying about teenagers' apathy towards recycling alongside the half a dozen busybody parents that would actually bother to turn up? For a moment he felt semi nostalgic for the unspoken values of self interest and greed back at the White Corporation. Then he remembered the four hours of his life he had lost at that tractor convention Lawrence had been so enthusiastic about and he slipped into a sort of relaxed state of contempt at his current situation. In an act of rebellion, he tugged off his tie, threw it in his satchel, then rolled up his shirt sleeves, leaning back in his chair slightly (the dizzying heights of rebellion in the teaching profession, he thought).

 

One of his colleagues was already droning her way through the second slide of the PowerPoint (Catchy Slogans: A Hindrance Or A Help?) when Aaron came in. He looked endearingly flustered, dressed in a stripy long sleeved t shirt and dark blue jeans, as he bumbled through the doors and fell into a seat at the end of the aisle. A meeting about recycling was probably the last place that Robert would have imagined Aaron on a Thursday evening (then again, most of his daydreams about Aaron had featured him in Robert's bed. He stored them up for particularly boring lessons, like other teachers saved paperwork). Aaron glanced around the hall, caught Robert's eye and gave him a small smile. Robert grinned back, raised an eyebrow at the PowerPoint, as if to say "really?". Aaron rolled his eyes, his smile widening, and for a moment recycling didn't seem half as dull as it had previously. In fact, Robert decided, tomorrow he'd make a valiant effort to prevent the students from tossing their drinks cans into the landfill waste bins, as his way of saying thank you.

 

The next forty minutes were a heady blur of never-ending monologues (Do They Know Their Landfill From Recyclable Waste? was a definite low point) and snatched glances. Somewhere around the eighth slide (Does The Colour Of Recycling Bins Really Make A Difference?), Robert caught Aaron trying to stifle a yawn, using his hands to hide his mouth. The sleeves of his shirt were pulled down over his palms, his fingers curled around them. He absorbed Aaron's every movement as if he was studying for some sort of test (or filing away extra inspiration for his daydream material). Robert hadn't felt this way about anybody in a long time - maybe since those brief moments where he'd managed to steal Katie away from Andy and keep her all to himself - all butterflies, heady anticipation and lusting after what wasn't yet his. He tried to tell himself that just because he was currently seated in an assembly hall, it didn't make it any more acceptable for him to develop a crush worthy of a hormonal fifteen year old. The problem was, Robert had always harboured a quiet tendency to rebel against his own inner warning voice. If it was probably a bad idea, Robert was more than likely to pursue it. It was just the way he was built.

 

Afterwards, Robert was busying himself pilfering biscuits from the snack table and trying to avoid any parents who looked as though they wanted to continue discussing aspects of the presentation further, when he felt someone come up behind him and tap him on the shoulder. Robert turned around reluctantly, making a stealthy attempt to stuff the three custard creams currently in his hand into his trouser pocket.

 

It was Aaron, hair rumpled and sleeves still pulled down, seemingly holding back a grin. "Are you seriously stealing the biscuits?" He deadpanned. "Don't they pay you around here?"

 

"Not enough to sit through that for an hour," Robert said, shrugging nonchalantly. "There's got to be some perks of the job." He turned over his palm and offered the custard creams to Aaron.

 

Aaron took one, shoved it straight into his mouth as Robert pocketed the remaining two. "You know," he snorted, "I don't think I want someone as immoral as you, teaching my sister."

 

"It's immoral to sneak a few custard creams now?" Robert raised an eyebrow.

 

"Mate, I've been watching you for ages. You've ate at least ten," Aaron sniggered. "They're for the poor parents."

 

"And what about the poor teachers?" Robert quipped shamelessly. "I'm very hard done by."

 

Aaron laughed and shook his head. "I can see that. But I suppose it can stay our secret."

 

Robert desperately tried not to convey how much he liked the idea of a sharing a secret with Aaron, even if it was as mundane as thievery of a few biscuits (or ten). He shuffled his feet slightly and opted for a change of subject. "I didn't have you pinned as one of those do-gooder, save the world types," he said.

 

"Recycling's fascinating." Aaron smirked.

 

"Really?" teased Robert. "I could have sworn I saw you yawning."

 

"You must have made a mistake."

 

"Oh yeah?"

 

They looked at each other for an immeasurable moment before Aaron broke the gaze. "I guess I'd better be off," he said.

 

"Bye," said Robert, wishing he had something better to contribute. The main foyer of his workplace wasn't really the best place to try and talk somebody out of their clothes, no matter how hot that respective person may be, he decided regretfully (although if they hadn't had an audience, he certainly might have given it a shot anyway).

 

Aaron went to walk away, then stopped and glanced back over his shoulder at Robert. He looked as though he was working himself up to say something. "Robert?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

"There was a perk for me showing up here tonight, too," Aaron said, his expression not giving anything away.

 

"Really? What was that?" Robert played along, happy for any excuse to extend their interaction.

 

"You," Aaron smirked, before walking away for real this time.

 

Flirting was something of an art form for Robert, but with Aaron he had to conclude that he was completely out of his depth.

 

***

 

Delicious flirtation might have slipped into a purely one time occurrence,  if it hadn't been for Olivia Flaherty, who was quickly becoming both the bane of and the saviour of Robert's life. Of course, he would have been lying if he said that he had not thought about tracking Aaron down, chasing him, trying to make him laugh again, taking him on a date. He certainly thought about it but he never acted on his profound urge to see Aaron Dingle for a fourth time. The moral explanation for his passive state was that Robert suspected that attempted seduction of a troubled teenager's legal guardian would be frowned upon by his employer (then again, so was the mini fridge in his classroom and still it kept pride of place under his oak desk. Not that he was comparing Aaron to a fridge or anything. But the point was semi unprofessionalism had never stopped Robert before, the man who had slept with both of his boss' daughters in his last job, while simultaneously flirting with said elderly boss to keep him on side).

 

The truth was just as simple, but infinitely more difficult for Robert to get past - Robert Sugden was a coward. His father had known it, Chrissie had come to realise it and Andy and Victoria knew it. He had very little desire to add Aaron's name to the long list of people that had been disappointed by Robert when things got tough. Even without knowing all of the details, Robert knew that Aaron's situation was complicated. Newfound legal guardianship, teenage girls with a penchant for skiving and dead fathers were world's away from the low maintenance, baggage free encounters that Robert had actively sought out after his divorce. He was the man who had avoided his own father's funeral because some of Jack's harsh words had hit too close to the bone. He was the man who had channelled his fear over commitment to Chrissie into screwing her younger sister while on his lunch break. He was the man who couldn't bear to see his little sister because her disappointment felt like a knife blade across his skin. Strong and stable he was not.

 

So, for the next month, Robert worked hard to put Aaron out of his mind. And by working hard, he of course meant going to the pub when he should have been writing end of term reports (how many different ways could he possibly write your child is mediocre?) and giving sullen pupils detentions for having snowball fights in the corridors. And if he did think of Aaron from time to time, he told himself that it was merely a harmless fantasy. A dream of what could have been if Robert had been braver, stronger, better. Robert was built for one night stands and casual flings that were as insubstantial as paper. Aaron, with his youthful laugh and kind eyes, was no doubt built for something bigger.

 

Then, Robert was told in no uncertain terms that it was his turn to chaperone the Year 10 Christmas disco. He reluctantly supposed that he had managed to dodge the last Year 11 one, at the start of term. And Year 10 parties were usually slightly less turbulent than the Year 11 ones. Yes, they would still try to smuggle in alcohol and sneak to the bathroom to make out with unsuitable fellow pupils, but at least they were devoid of the 'Fuck it, we're nearly done in this school, anyway' attitude that ran rampant among the Year 11s.

 

It was 9pm - the music had progressed from Justin Timberlake to Oasis and Robert was thankful for small mercies. The familiar tune of She's Electric momentarily transported him back to his childhood years on the farm, with his mother singing along to the radio as she washed dishes. Kids stood around the room in little huddles, tapping their feet to the music and gossiping rowdily. He had to admit it hadn't been as torturous as he had been expecting - with only two alcohol confiscation incidents and one near fight. He supposed that the rowdier students had likely stayed at home, scornful towards a night of chaperones and alcohol free cocktails. Still, he imagined returning to his flat in an hour's time, sinking down on to his plush sofa and immersing himself in a good boxset. He was busy debating the merits of House of Cards vs Homeland to himself, when Mr. Steel, the Maths teacher, broke him out of his trance.

 

"There's a situation in the Year 9 cloakroom," he said. "Two kids caught with a bottle of vodka. Mrs. Vernon's with them now but she's got to leave in a minute - her husband's ill. Can you deal with it?"

 

Robert exchanged an exasperated eye roll with his colleague (the universal language of long suffering teachers), before hurrying in the direction of the alleged incident. When he swung the cloakroom door open, already hearing raised voices from behind it, he was momentarily taken aback to see Olivia and one of the girls she was friends with, Gabby Thomas. Gabby was gesturing wildly, clearly intoxicated, in the middle of the room, while Olivia sat on one of the sparse wooden benches, looking down at the floor. A half full bottle of vodka was propped up beside her.

 

"And this is all your fault, I should have known better than to listen to you! I don't want anything else to do with you!" Gabby Thomas shouted, before storming past Robert, banging the door with force. Mrs. Vernon gave chase, leaving Robert alone with Olivia.

 

"Olivia..." Robert sighed, preparing to subject her to his well rehearsed tirade about consumption of alcohol on school premises (not to mention underage drinking), before he noticed a lone tear streak down the girl's cheek. He discarded his rant and moved to sit beside her on the bench, moving the bottle of vodka out of his way. "What was all that about with Gabby?" He asked instead, his voice softer.

 

"Doesn't matter," Olivia muttered. Her cheeks were flushed red and her breath smelt like vodka. "She hates me now."

 

Robert sighed. "She's drunk, Olivia, and so are you. I'm sure you will both sort it out in the morning."

 

"She didn't freak out because she was drunk, she freaked out because I kissed her," Olivia spat out, her eyes flashing. "Still think everything will be sorted in the morning?" She raised her voice a little.

 

Robert felt ill equipped to deal with teenage love problems at the best of times, his own teenage years hadn't exactly been a glaring example of healthy relationships and good behaviour. Still, he remembered being in a similar situation to Olivia, when he was only a year or so older than her, recalled kissing somebody who he considered to be a friend. That scenario had ended in tears too, albeit for slightly different reasons. He took a breath and tried to draw on his, admittedly limited, reserves of tact. "You need to let her calm down, she'll probably feel differently in the morning."

 

"She's going to think I'm a freak!" More tears dribbled down Olivia's face. Robert reached into his suit jacket pocket for the packet of tissues he kept there and held it out towards Olivia. She reached out and took one from the top. It reminded Robert of Aaron, smirking as he took a custard cream from Robert's outstretched palm. His stomach flipped.

 

"You're not a freak," he tried to console the distressed teen. "You're just a teenager."

 

"Why can't I just kiss boys like everybody else my age!" Her voice wobbled as she spoke.

 

"You can't help who you have feelings for," Robert said.

 

Liv let out a whimper and Robert knew that he wasn't going to be able to get through to her in her drunken state. "Who's picking you up tonight?" He asked. _Aaron._

 

His heart sank momentarily, as he imagined piling more worry about his sister on Aaron's shoulders. He remembered his weary expression and defeated words as they'd sat together in the car park just a few months ago. He pictured him driving to pick his sister up from what should have been a fairly innocent night and finding her drunk and in trouble, once again.

 

Olivia's unexpected answer almost came as a relief. "Gabby's mum." Liv let out another wail.

 

"Come on, I'll drive you home," Robert said.

 

It felt like a blessing, penance and the right thing to do all at once, he thought as he hurried back to the hall to inform his colleagues of his intentions.

 

***

 

It was another thirty minutes before Robert pulled into Olivia's street, thankful that the teenager had been able to give him her address before she had succumbed to a drunken doze. She stirred in her seat as they crawled to a stop, blinking sleep away from her eyes and looking at Robert.

 

"Thank you, Mr. Sugden," she mumbled, her face still red.

 

"Don't thank me yet, your brother's going to eat you alive," warned Robert. "And with good reason, too. What were you thinking Olivia, with the vodka? You'll be lucky if you don't end up suspended again."

 

"I wasn't, I suppose." She looked suitably shame faced. "Everything's rubbish at the minute. I'm doing rubbish at school, Gabby's my only friend and Aaron's worried all of the time. I just wanted to have some fun, for once."

 

"You're lucky you have somebody who cares about you as much as your brother does. You're not just making trouble for yourself when you act out like this, you're making trouble for him." Robert couldn't stop himself from saying.

 

Olivia looked at him, seemingly more sober than she had been under the harsh lighting of the school cloakroom. "What are you, my brother's advocate?" She snapped.

 

Robert glared at her. "No, Olivia, I'm yours. Hence driving you half an hour out of my way on a school night." She shrugged a little at that and looked down at the floor again.

 

Robert unbuckled his seat belt and clambered out of his car, waiting for Liv to follow his lead. The house in front of him was quaint looking, small but tidy, with a bright blue front door and a narrow driveway. The front door swung open before they were even halfway down the drive, Olivia trailing behind Robert. Aaron stood in the doorframe wearing black sweatpants, a purple hoodie and a furious scowl. His eyes flickered briefly as he took in Robert's presence but he did not deviate his angry gaze from his sister.

 

"I've just had Gabby's mum on the phone!" He snapped. "What are you playing at, Liv?"

 

"I'm sorry," Olivia said, stepping around Robert so she was right in front of her brother.

 

"You're always sorry." His voice was barbed. "Get inside, I'll talk to you tomorrow."

 

Olivia opened her mouth, presumably to plead her case, but thought the better of it as she took another look at Aaron's glower. He moved aside to let her scurry past him and she thudded up the stairs, her feet heavy.

 

"How did you end up getting stuck bringing her home?" Aaron finally turned his eyes to Robert.

 

"She was drunk and upset." Robert shrugged, mourning the loss of Aaron's usual easy smile.

 

"You should have phoned me." Aaron's words were sharp and his expression remained dark.

 

"I thought I'd save you the hassle," Robert said, his tone becoming more defensive in response to Aaron's evident hostility.

 

"Well that wasn't your decision to make," Aaron snapped.

 

"Thanks for the gratitude," Robert said through gritted teeth.

 

"Thanks for the interference." Aaron didn't back down.

 

When he slammed his front door shut, Robert had to heavily suppress the urge to kick the doorframe in frustration.

 

***

 

It figured, thought Robert, as he continued to brood over his argument with Aaron the day before, that the one time he had actually tried to do the right thing, it had all blown up in his face. He had not exactly being expecting Aaron to give him a blowjob on his front doorstep (although, you know, it wasn't like Robert would have turned him down if he had wanted to), but he had expected some sort of gratitude. After all, he had comforted his drunken, crying teenage sister and drove her back to her house at 10pm at night. It certainly wasn't a part of his job description. He definitely hadn't bargained on finding himself engaged in a sniping match on Aaron's front doorstep. The more Robert pondered on the injustice of it all, the more infuriated he became.

 

What annoyed Robert the most about the entire fiasco was that he hadn't even slept with Aaron before he found himself being yelled at by him. On many occasions, Robert had found himself in a situation where he was being shouted at by an attractive man or woman because he had managed to offend them with his behaviour. It generally happened after he had slept with them a few times, however. People normally found Robert charming when he was still trying to impress them. Yet, somehow, Aaron had not. It was irritating, a sizeable dent to his ego and oddly refreshing. What that said about him, Robert wasn't sure whether he wanted to know.

 

Aaron was standing by Robert's car when he came out of the school, at 5pm. Once again, it was computer club day, so the car park was virtually deserted. Robert could tell instantly that Aaron was uncomfortable, his arms were crossed over his chest and his eyes were serious.

 

"How did you know what time I finished?" Robert asked coolly.

 

"I have my sources." Aaron watched Robert, hoping he would respond to the familiar back and forth that he was usually all too eager to join in with. After a moment, when it became that Robert wasn't going to respond, he added, "I've been in a meeting with Liv's form tutor. I saw your car was still here. I waited." He shrugged.

 

"Why?" Robert asked, his voice remaining clipped. "Are you looking to bite my head off again?"

 

"No," said Aaron. "I wanted to apologise. I was stressed and I took it out on you, last night. I'm sorry."

 

"It wasn't nice," Robert huffed, looking straight at Aaron. He realised that the sounded slightly more like a petulant child than he had been aiming to. Besides, he was thawing under Aaron's anxious gaze and sad eyes.

 

"Nobody ever said I was nice." Aaron bit down on his bottom lip as he gazed back at Robert.

 

"Well I thought you were nice," Robert gave in and spoke in a rush of breath. "Still do, I suppose."

 

Aaron smiled, softer than Robert had ever seen him before. "Cheers mate, you're not so bad yourself."

 

"So.." Robert said. "Are you coming to stalk me at the next Parent/Teacher meeting?" He smirked.

 

"You know, you have a really high opinion of yourself," Aaron laughed, all earlier tension completely erased.

 

"What can I say, I'm hot," snickered Robert.

 

"I've seen hotter," Aaron deadpanned, holding back a chuckle.

 

"I don't believe you," Robert joked, taking a step closer towards Aaron on impulse.

 

"Believe what you want," Aaron chuckled. "You're not irresistible. I'll see you around, I guess," he said, turning to leave.

 

It would have been easy for Robert to grab Aaron by the arm, spin him around and kiss him within an inch of his life. In a different location, in a different situation, if Robert had been a different person, he would have pressed him against the side of his car and moulded their lips together. But in this life, the weight of his father, the weight of Katie, the weight of Chrissie, hung heavily on his mind, like a tandem of doom. He was far from nice, Aaron deserved better.

 

He watched as Aaron walked away from him and wondered why doing the right thing felt so utterly retched.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What made you say yes?" Aaron teased.
> 
> "Because she's a good kid that needed a break," Robert said. And then, "And I might have wanted to impress her hot brother."
> 
> "You're shameless," laughed Aaron, throwing his head back and exposing the white flesh of his throat. Robert wanted to reach out and taste it. 
> 
> "Did it work?" asked Robert, more than a little dazed at the sight before him. 
> 
>  

Christmas came and went for Robert, unremarkable in its predictability. Christmases past - back when he had been a White - had found him in Lawrence's fancy dining room, one hand on Chrissie's back, the other wrapped wrapped around the stem of a champagne glass while Lachlan sulked beside them. Now he was a Sugden again, but only barely, so he opted to avoid the annual family get together that took place at his step mother's pub, mainly to avoid the scathing looks he would no doubt garner from Andy and Katie. Instead, just as he had the year before, Robert elected to spend Christmas with friends and New Year in the pub. It was a heady blur of Prosecco, fairy lights and cheesy music. It wasn't exactly meaningless, nor was it particularly memorable. Still, there was one small deviation from the norm. Robert had found himself dialling Victoria's number to wish her a happy new year, laughing and joking down the phone with his youngest sibling, unlike all those years before. If his mind had drifted unprompted towards bright blue eyes and a warm smile before he had picked up the phone, it could have been purely coincidental (it was not. Aaron's influence was undoubtedly cajoling Robert into doing things that he would not ordinarily do. After all if Aaron could almost single handedly raise his troublesome little sister, the least Robert could do was spare his own sibling a twenty minute phone call.)

 

Before he knew it, he was back at work, facing a brand new term and all of the challenges that came with it. The twelve week term from January onwards was by far Robert's least favourite. The endlessly dreary weather tinted everything with an omnious grey feel, as though he was trudging through a sort of half reality. His student's end of year exams weren't close enough in the immediate future to instill panic in him and his classes weren't fresh enough to excite him with their novelty. In other words, it was the half way term, the one that didn't really count but still depended on Robert turning up to work every day and instilling enthusiasm in a bunch of incredibly underwhelmed teenagers.

 

It was the first Friday of the term, when Robert could not help but notice that Olivia seemed particularly reluctant to engage in learning. Not that any of his charges ever seemed enormously enraptured by his musings on the best way to design an eye catching business logo but it had to be said that Olivia seemed even less interested than most. Ordinarily he might have left things for another week or so to see if it was merely post-Christmas blues but then he remembered the tears that had made their way down her face at the end of term disco and Aaron's worries about his sister's never ceasing list of problems. Robert almost sighed at the realisation that he was going to have to initiate an intervention with an extremely snarky fifteen year old girl. Of course, it was a part of the job description (albeit a one that Robert was normally happy to leave to other teachers if at all possible, ones with more tact and patience than himself) but the stakes had never been higher. This was Aaron's little sister and, against his better judgement, that meant something to Robert (Exactly what he couldn't say. But it certainly meant an elusive _something_.)

 

When he gestured for Olivia to stay behind as the class came to an end, she rolled her eyes. Robert had to bite back a chuckle - he couldn't help but feel that this kid and himself were kindred spirits of sorts. She didn't want to be here, nor did he especially - it was a match made in heaven. "What's up, Olivia?" he asked, struggling to keep the amusement from his voice.

 

"What makes you think that something's up?" she retorted snippily, hovering beside his desk. Robert was accustomed to his students' awkward attempts at avoiding eye contact during conversations such as this one. On the contrary, Olivia stared him down, unflinching. If it wasn't a tad annoying, Robert might have been impressed.

 

"The fact that you looked like you had swallowed a wasp for the entirety of my class," Robert pointed out, holding her gaze.

 

"That's just because your class is really boring," Olivia shrugged, a note of challenge in her voice.

 

"I don't believe you," Robert said, refusing to rise to her bait. (In all honesty, Robert was all too aware that his class had been boring. But he would rather go and work in an abattoir than turn into one of those teachers that rapped to make their lectures interesting. He had a bit of dignity left about him, even now.)

 

"Believe what you want," Olivia bit back, already shuffling her way towards the door.

 

"I believe that you're a good kid, Liv," Robert replied, placating. "And I believe that when you are ready, you'll come and talk to me. My door is always open." Sometimes being a teacher felt an awful lot like uttering a bunch of rubbish clichés over and over. The thing was, this time he meant it.

 

It was only after she had left that Robert realised he had momentarily let his guard down and called her Liv. Damn it, he was in too deep with both Olivia and her gorgeous, flirty, infuriating brother.

 

***

 

It was afternoon break the very same day when she came to him again - a ten minute spell that almost always saw Robert pouring coffee down his throat in a bid to find enough energy to get through the last period of the day. Olivia pushed her way into his classroom as though she had not stubbornly refused Robert's offer of help only four hours beforehand. She pulled out a chair and sat down in front of Robert like crashing his sacred break time was an everyday occurrence for her.

 

"I'm ready to talk," she said, her voice unwavering.

 

Robert found himself taken aback, momentarily stunned that a kid had actually _listened_ to his advice (it was sort of like being in the Twilight zone). Still, pushing back his surprise, he said, "I'm listening."

 

"It's been a rubbish start to the term," Olivia stated, her voice droll. "And don't say I've only been back for a week."

 

"I wasn't going to," said Robert. "It's certainly been a long week."

 

"I'm doing rubbish at Biology and Maths," she continued, apparently reassured that Robert was not going to scold her for hating school (it would have been the single biggest hypocrisy of Robert's life). "I'm probably going to fail both of them."

 

"Have you asked for extra help?" Robert probed, taking another sip of his coffee.

 

"I don't understand a word Mr. Steel says," Olivia complained. "And Mrs. Hughes thinks I'm a slacker."

 

Robert raised an eyebrow at the teenager. "You have been known to slack from time to time," he pointed out.

 

Olivia exhaled a huffy breath and glared at him. "Some help you are," she snapped, as prickly as ever.

 

"I didn't say I would be nice," said Robert. "I said I would help. Lucky for you, you are looking at a dab hand at Maths and Biology. I'll tutor you on Mondays and Fridays after school."

 

"Why would you do that?" Olivia asked suspiciously.

 

"Because I'm a glutton for punishment?" Robert quipped. He considered it progress when he watched the sullen teenager fight back a smirk. "So that's that dealt with. Any other problems?"

 

Olivia hesitated for a moment before speaking again. "We don't have a coach for the girl's football team anymore. Mrs. Price left at the end of last term and no one else wants to do it. It's the only thing I enjoy at this hell hole," she sighed.

 

"Are you accepting applications?" Robert asked. (This was where caring got you, of course - a jam packed schedule when he was already stretched thin. He would have to give up any hope of getting laid before the summer holidays at this rate.)

 

"You offering?" Olivia said in surprise.

 

"If it means I can scrap Computer Club, I'm more than game."

 

By the time the bell rung signalling the start of fifth period, Olivia was grinning and Robert felt as though he was starting to win an uphill battle. He wondered if he could have a future career in being an Agony Uncle.

 

"See you tonight then, short stuff," Robert snickered as she left his classroom.

 

"Please don't ever call me that again," Olivia called over her shoulder. "I'm not five."

 

Robert was growing fonder of her by the minute.

 

***

 

It was a strange arrangement but Robert was surprised by the fact that it didn't irk him too much (most of the time anyway). On Mondays and Fridays they pored over Liv's schoolbooks in Robert's empty classroom, trying to make sense of quadratic equations and genetics charts. Sometimes they bickered, sometimes they got on with the task at hand in companionable understanding. Sometimes Robert even let her have a cold drink out of his mini fridge. Then, on Thursday lunchtimes, Robert coached a gaggle of fourteen and fifteen year old girls through footballing sessions. He was pleasantly surprised to discover that Liv was quite talented in her role as centre forward. The first time he watched her celebrate scoring a goal against a flustered looking classmate, Robert had been stunned to see a genuine smile spread across her face and a joyous whoop burst from her lips. It wasn't a smirk, it wasn't a mocking chuckle, it was an undeniable smile. (Robert wasn't the kind of guy that got warm, fuzzy feelings from being kind to others. Yet, he found himself grinning so unmistakeably at Olivia's display of excitement that he had to mock her twice in a three minute period in their next tuition session. He didn't want her to think he was soft, after all.)

 

***

 

It came as somewhat of a surprise for Robert when he spotted Aaron watching on the side-lines during the first football match for the girl's team of the term. Olivia's ever present snark and extreme reluctance to engage in most school activities had given Robert the impression that she wasn't the type of teenager that told her big brother about her sporting fixtures. She seemed like the type of kid that would require conversation to be forcibly dragged out of her around the dining table on an evening. He felt stupid for thinking that way as he watched Aaron beaming at his sister with an expression of pride on his face. Aaron and Olivia were close - hadn't he known that since he had first observed their interactions at Parent's Evening? Although Robert could recognise a bit of his teenage persona in Olivia, she wasn't like him, in that she always had to keep a part of herself hidden from those she loved. Olivia had Aaron, whereas his adolescent self had no one. So much for kindred spirits, he thought. Still, Aaron's presence could only be a positive thing for Robert.

 

Robert's team were down 2-0 at half time. He had spent equal proportions of the first half internally groaning as the opposing team bore down on the goal time and time again and sneaking glances at Aaron whenever he was presented with an opportunity to do so. Olivia and all her teammates gathered around Robert by the side of the pitch, water bottles in hands and sheepish looks on their faces. Robert was fearful that they were awaiting some words of inspiration from him, their coach. He didn't think that now was a particularly good time to admit to knowing very little about tactics and formations. In fact, Robert's only real experience of football involved watching from the stalls with a beer in his hand.

 

"They're better than us," Olivia panted, her blonde hair in disarray and her face flushed red.

 

"They are," said Robert. They were evidently superior in a disgustingly smug way that made Robert's toes curl. He was willing to bet his career on the fact that they had emerged from some middle class school with an inbuilt sports centre and coaches that actually knew what they were talking about.

 

"So what do we do?" asked Olivia. Eleven hopeful faces stared up at him.

 

"Play dirty," suggested Robert. "Trip them up. Fall over if they brush against you and call out for a penalty. Rile them up as best as you can."

 

"You want us to cheat?" Jodie, a tall brunette and the team's goalkeeper, piped up in confusion.

 

"Sometimes you have to be ruthless," Robert shrugged. "Now go and warm up for the second half."

 

Ten of the teenagers jogged back on to the makeshift pitch but Olivia remained, staring up at Robert with an expression that was partial amusement, partial bemusement. "You said in PSHE last week that the way to get what you want is through hard work, perseverance and using your initiative," she pointed out.

 

"I say a lot of things of PSHE, Olivia," Robert snorted. "Besides, cheating is using your initiative." He winked at her.

 

"I used to think you were really boring," she said, a grin on her face.

 

"I used to think you were really annoying," Robert quipped back. "Go, on. I'm going to make a coffee, I'll be back outside in five. Get the others to do their drills."

 

Robert was waiting by the coffee vending machine in the main foyer when he heard someone clear their throat behind him. He turned around to find himself face-to-face with Aaron, who was all twinkling eyes and windswept hair.

 

"I heard what you said to my sister and the other kids," he smirked. "You don't know anything about football coaching, do you?"

 

"Is it really that obvious?" Robert rolled his eyes. He reached out and took his coffee from the machine, before turning round to face Aaron properly.

 

"Kind of," Aaron snorted.

 

"So why did you say you'd do it then?"

 

"Coach them?" Robert clarified. Aaron gave a nod and Robert continued. "Because Olivia asked me to."

 

"Fuck, she must have been desperate," Aaron teased, his eyes glinting. "What made you say yes?"

 

"Because she's a good kid that needed a break," Robert said. And then, "And I might have wanted to impress her hot brother."

 

"You're shameless," laughed Aaron, throwing his head back and exposing the white flesh of his throat. Robert wanted to reach out and taste it.

 

"Did it work?" asked Robert, more than a little dazed at the sight before him.

 

Aaron leaned forward and brushed his lips against Robert's cheek. His lips were soft and warm and Robert was rooted to the spot with surprise."Work it out," Aaron said and then he was walking back out the foyer.

 

Liv and her team mates lost but Robert couldn't find it in himself to care.

 

***

 

Robert's Wednesday started out bad and got progressively worse as the day went on. He had arrived at his desk to find that he had been saddled with two university students on work experience, both as useless as the other and constantly requiring direction and validation that sent Robert's entire day spiralling off schedule. Then, there was the Year 11 class that erupted into complete anarchy right in front of Robert's tired eyes, leading to three after school detentions, two five minute spells of shouting and total resentment on the part of both Robert and his thirty two pupils. His lunch break had seemed like a brief respite until Victoria had rang and asked him to attend her 21st birthday party the following week. Unable to stomach facing Andy, Katie and the ghost of his parents, Robert had uttered a feeble excuse. It had culminated in Victoria sadly saying "sometimes I feel like I only have one brother." Her words had been well earned, of course, but their validity far from took away the sting. By the time the clock struck five and Robert finished up Computer Club (which despite his well intended intentions to stop running after turning his hand to football coaching, Robert had never managed to shake off), Robert was longing for the tranquillity of his flat and a bottle of whiskey with everything he had.

 

Aaron was lingering by Robert's car, a hopeful smile on his face. Usually, the very presence of Aaron felt like hope and sunshine to Robert. Today it was simply a reminder that Robert fucked everything in his life up and this _thing_ between him and Aaron would doubtlessly bring more of the same.

 

"Hi," Aaron smiled, standing up straighter as Robert approached. "I thought that maybe we could go for a drink?"

There had been so many nights when Robert had longed to hear Aaron vocalise his desire for the flirtation between them to become something more. So, many nights where he had thought about just being with Aaron, basking in his presence. When Aaron moved forward, backing Robert up against his car and moved to press his lips against Robert's, it was everything that Robert had longed for since long before Christmas. He wanted to lean in those last few inches and know what Aaron tasted like.

 

Instead, he gently pushed Aaron. "I can't do this, Aaron," he said.

 

Aaron immediately took a step back, his face falling instantly. "But I thought you wanted this?" he blurted out.

 

"I'm no good, Aaron. I'm not a good man. You don't want me and you certainly don't deserve me. I'm selfish and useless and I'll only make you unhappy. I'll make your life miserable."

 

He got in his car before Aaron could reply and drove away, back to his lonely flat and his half empty bottle of whiskey. He wished he could say that he didn't think about Aaron but he did, of course.

 

***

 

Robert drank his whiskey and thought about Aaron and how he felt when he was around him.

 

Robert had felt empty for a long time now. Something had happened to him the night his mother had perished in the family barn when Robert had still been a kid, really. He had been Liv's age when he had heard her dying screams and caught the scent of her burning flesh. He had never been the same since, had never brought himself to love as purely, as unconditionally. There was a hole in his chest.

 

The hole had stretched as he had watched Katie, a girl with shining hair and an infectious laugh, choose to love his brother over him. Even after stolen kisses and heartfelt promises. Robert had given her everything that he had left and despite it all she had realised that Andy had more to offer. Andy didn't have a hole in his chest - his love was still pure and untainted.

 

Then, there had been Jack, beating Robert for kissing boys and asking him to be someone different from who he was. After, as he was telling Robert to leave and never come back, that he was a disappointment, the hole had become more of a chasm.

 

So, Robert had done everything in his power to fill the hole. He had chased after money and power, he had married a beautiful woman who wanted and chose him, he had snorted drugs, he had engaged in meaningless sex, he had plied himself with whiskey. He had fucked girls and he had fucked boys. He had pursued a career based on greed and he had chosen a career based on penance. He had hurt people because he himself had spent so many years hurting. He had used people because people were expendable, mortal, prone to leaving him without a backwards glance. So, he left them instead, and never looked back. But nothing had ever plugged the hole that lay ragged and sharp in his chest. Whiskey worked the best, though.

 

Now, there was Aaron and every second Robert spent in his presence, he could breathe. The hole was still there but it wasn't as cutting. He wasn't empty when he was with Aaron. Aaron frightened him and excited him and filled him with want, fondness and excitement.

 

But Robert had ruined it. Because he had to. It was what he deserved and, more importantly, it was what Aaron deserved.

 

***

 

"Get in the car, Robert." Aaron pulled up alongside Robert as he made his way across the school car park. His pre-match emergency football practice had just finished and the adrenaline fuelled teenagers had dispersed with a flurry of excited chatter and yelps about missing buses. It had been eight days since Robert had left Aaron staring after him in confusion as he drove away and Robert had started to resign himself to an Aaronless future in which their only contact would be awkwardly avoiding each other at school events. It was for the best, really.

 

Yet, just one look at Aaron's hopeful expression and the way his fingers were drumming nervously against the steering wheel had Robert abandoning all pretence of relief that any notions of a relationship of sorts with the dark haired man were over. He climbed into Aaron's car despite his reservations.

 

"Don't you have to pick Olivia up?" Robert asked, unsure and awkward. Last time he had seen Aaron, he had been inches away from knowing how his soft lips would feel against his own. He had pulled away to save Aaron (A future with Robert would doubtlessly look like fire and charred ashes and burning hay bales). Now, he was pushing himself into the younger man's orbit once again - this time to save himself.

 

"You probably see more of her than I do nowadays," Aaron admitted. "She'll be out with her mates till later." He reversed out of the car park without offering any explanation of where they were going.

 

"Aaron..." said Robert, after a moment of charged silence.

 

The electricity between the two of them that had been palpable since their first meeting had never quite managed to disappear. It lay between them heavy and smothering, reminding them of what was at stake.

 

"Shut up and listen to the music, Robert," Aaron said. "I'll let you know when we get there."

 

"This feels a little like a kidnapping," Robert muttered darkly.

 

"If I was kidnapping you, I would have shoved you in the boot," Aaron snickered.

 

Robert laughed and the tension between them lessened and flourished into something more comfortable.

 

***

 

Out of all the places Robert would have expected Aaron to take him, a desolate looking quarry ranked pretty low on the list. Still, when Aaron clambered out of the car after parking a few metres away from the edge, Robert followed, apprehensive but willing. Aaron moved around the car and perched on his bonnet, staring out across the quarry. Robert followed his lead. The quarry was barren, brown, desolate. Just looking at the drop made Robert's stomach clench.

 

"A bar would have been more traditional," joked Robert, turning his face to look at Aaron.

 

Aaron's expression was unreadable. "I already tried that, you didn't really seem all that up for it."

 

"I had my reasons," Robert shrugged.

 

"Yeah, about that," Aaron's voice quivered as though he was psyching himself up for something. Robert tilted his head, a silent invitation for Aaron to proceed. "You said you would make my life miserable. What did you mean by that?"

 

It was a moment before Robert answered. "I let people down, Aaron. My sister, my brother, my parents, my partners. I fuck up peoples' lives. Always have done, since I was a kid."

 

Aaron's eyes never left Robert's. "I'm not going to say that's not true, because I don't know the full story. I don't really care to be honest. Maybe one day you'll be able to tell me what happened." Aaron's reply was careful, measured, as though Robert was breakable, not the one who always did the breaking. "But Robert, I can tell you that I've fucked my life up time and time again, long before I knew you. You see this quarry? I bet you're wondering why I brought you here?" Aaron paused briefly before gathering himself enough to continue. "Last year I nearly jumped. Just wanted it all to be over. Would have done if it wasn't for my mum and Liv and my best mate."

 

"Aaron..." Robert started, his chest tightening at the thought of Aaron in so much pain that he would consider leaping into the void below.

 

"I'm not telling you this for sympathy, Robert," Aaron cut him off, his voice breaking again. "I'm telling you because I want you to know that I've made plenty of my own bad choices and I've screwed up my own life. You want to protect me from whatever you think you are. But I'm a train wreck already."

 

When Aaron moved his hand to cover Robert's where it was resting between them on the car bonnet, Robert let him.

 

"So you want to make it even worse?" Robert asked in confusion.

 

Aaron squeezed his hand, letting out a little sigh. "Robert, you don't make my life worse. You seem to think you're a bad person. Maybe you were in the past, I don't know. But you've only ever made my life better. Look at what you've done for Liv. You're coaching the football team. She told me you're tutoring her, too. You looked out for her when she was upset. You've been great with her."

 

"I did it for her," Robert admitted tentatively. "And maybe a little bit for you, too."

 

There were many reasons why Robert was unable to stop himself from kissing Aaron. Because when Aaron smiled this time, it was small and warm and lit up his eyes. Because Aaron was trying to tell Robert that he wasn't a monster like he had always feared he was. Because Aaron was telling Robert that he could be better, that against all odds he already sort of was. Mostly, though, it was because Robert had wanted to kiss Aaron since he had sat across the desk from him, gorgeous and compassionate and unattainable, all those months ago. Aaron shuffled closer to Robert, pressing their legs against each other and untangling his hand from Robert's, so he could rest it on Robert's waist. Their lips moved against each other passionate and warm but with lingering softness.

 

It was like light after years of darkness.

 

It was like fighting fire with fire.

**Author's Note:**

> May or may not continue this one at a later date.


End file.
